A Paranoid Reality

My brother believes me to be paranoid. In a phone call today he applied the word directly to my state of mind: "That's why you're paranoid about those squirrels, you're exhausted." He said in response to my telling him about my planned day of running 14 miles, logging, blogging and partying tomorrow.

Paranoid - Paranoia - from the Greek "παράνοια" (paranoia), 'madness'. A term used to describe an irrational and delusional thought process; which typically includes persecutory beliefs concerning a perceived threat towards oneself.

If this is the case, my brother is surely suggesting that I only believe there to be an imminent squirrel threat; something created by my mind but does not actually exist. I disagree. Reading around the blogs recently, there has been much reference by other Janathoners to watching eyes, threatening stares; strange encounters with animals. I am clearly not the only one. I got to thinking, why would my brother not instantly believe that this threat is real? Why would his first thought be that I am delusional? That I am mad? A proposition that, anyone else who knows me will instantly agree, is the antithesis of me. Yet, in that same second of dismissal, the suggestion took hold; what if I am delusional? How would I know? Are squirrels really just lovely, little licit creatures?

I googled.

And here, Ladies and Gentlemen, are your top 5 villainous squirrels to look out for. These squirrels are documented in our own history; in the stories passed down from one concerned human to another; from generation... to generation.

5. The squirrel in 'Never Trust a Squirrel', Patrick Cooper.

The title says it all!










4. Morwenna - 'The Dark Portal', Robin Jarvis.

Morwenna is an evil squirrel who betrayed the realm of Greenreach... an evil, treacherous squirrel... eeeeevil!










3. Zero - Megadrive, Aero the acrobat games.

Aero the acrobat's arch nemesis: Zero the Kamikaze Squirrel... his name says it all: be afraid, be very afraid!









2. Squirrel Nutkin - 'The Tale of Squirrel Nutkin', Beatrix Potter.

Squirrel Nutkin is an impertinent young squirrel - perhaps these days would be known as a 'hoodie squirrel' - who isn't respectful towards the owl, Old Brown; someone who has been kind enough to let him collect nuts on his island. Instead of showing the due respect the owl deserves, he taunts him with an annoying little dance and riddle each and every day he sees him. Eventually the owl flips and tries to skin Squirrel Nutkin alive - as you would!- the Nutty Nutkin escapes but he loses part of his tale in the attempt.

1. Tufty Fluffytail - The Tufty Club, RoSPA.

Do you mean that selfless little guy who used to teach us to 'Stop, Look and Listen', before we crossed the streets, when we were young whippersnappers? Yes. I do.

Don't be fooled people; this squirrel infiltrated our minds so successfully, we accepted his kerb drill propaganda as he intended us to: helpful, safe, innocent road crossing advice.

However, from his position of Road Safety authority; as spokesperson for RoSPA, Tufty was able to begin his bid for world domination; and we very nearly allowed it. Click here to see how Tufty did it.

So there we have it; don't ignore the glaring facts from fiction: Beware the Squirrels.

Distance: 1 mile

Weather: clear and double figures!!!

Feeling: a little achey, but good.

See my run here.