Off to the nut house?...

Dear Aunty Agony,

Having been an avid reader of your advice for some years now, I know you are the only person I can turn to with the crisis I am currently facing. As a happy, relaxed and confident 32 year old woman, I have never had cause to question my sanity; believing, mendaciously,  to know my own mind. Thus, when I eagerly began the Janathon challenge, just 18 days ago, and consequently began to be stalked by squirrels – subjected to the terrible torment of their evil eyes – naturally, I took this threat at face-value; I knew it to be real: I feared for my safety.  Moreover, in many ways feeling responsible for the antagonism of these animals (having inadvertently incepted the idea into the squirrel community that I posed a threat to them), I have taken it upon myself to warn other runners of this rodent risk.

Lately, the comments of friends and family have lead me to conclude that they must doubt the reality of this threat; comments (which were intermittent at first, yet now more frequent) about this intimidation have included language such as: ‘perceived’, ‘paranoid’ and ‘preposterous’. Clearly, and sadly, those whom are close to me believe that this menace is a mental one; only within my own mind.

It is this that concerns me Aunty Agony. It was whilst I was on my mile recovery run today, once again feeling the presense of their beady eyes, that I began, for the first time, to doubt myself.  These are the people I hold dear, the ones with whom I hold my closest connections; their perturbance at my supposed paranoia is only due to the predilection they hold of me. It is for this reason, that I am slowly beginning to question myself: Am I paranoid? Deranged? Insane? Is this threat a fancy of my imagination? Is the torment of the squirrels simply a pseudo simulation?

Aunty A, in short. Am I nuts?

Yours disquietedly,

maggie e
 

Dear Maggie,

Are you mad? This is insanity!

Of course you are worried by the comments of those closest to you; the thought that you are losing your mind is quite frankly fearful.

This is ridiculous! Of course you are not going mad: the squirrels are a real and present threat to our society.

A little known entity for a long time now, they have been building their army slowly and gradually. As I am sure you are more than aware, you only have to google on the internet to discover the very real and dangerous dynamite they are.

Maggie, you are taking exactly the right course of action and you must continue to do so: warn everyone you can about this squirrel impendence. Don’t give up. Tell anyone who’ll listen. Spread the word.  For the time being, there are only a few of us who know the horrendous hazard humans face, however if we continue to work together to propagate this peril we will be victorious.

The squirrels cannot win Maggie. We must fight them on the beaches, we must fight them in the parks and we must fight them ‘till we win. Nuts to the squirrels!

Yours victoriously,

Aunty Agony.

Distance: 1.1 miles
Weather: clear and chilly
Feeling: okay.
See my run here.