Thursday, 30 June 2011

Juneathon Days 28-30: Back to the future...

To my dear Readers,

As we reach the final day of June, I would like to take the opportunity to implore that you please excuse Maggie from her poor performance in Juneathon. When she signed up to the challenge of jogging, logging and blogging for a month she recognised that she may not manage to 'run' everyday, but she would certainly commit to some form of exercise each day instead. Unfortunately, her record in this area has been less than satisfactory, including many attempts to 'pass off' routine activities, such as walking the dog and visiting the supermarket, as 'exercise' as well as 'inventing' new forms of 'exercise' such as walking in heels around a race course and car dancing.

Maggie accepts that, in making the commitment to Juneathon, she should have have applied greater motivation and effort to achieve her goals; certainly she now realises that if she'd applied her time more effectively she would have had more time for exercise, rather than wasting it on the various ridiculous excuses.

However, despite having been unable to blog for a couple of days, Maggie has been in no way sitting idle; instead, as Juneathon draws to a close, she has seized the opportunity to try and redeem her lack lustre exertions in some way and consequently has been working very hard. In fact, as I write this, Maggie is currently jogging home from work after walking there this morning; making Juneathon Day 30 a nice, neat 10k round trip. As you can see, Juneathon has certainly not been forgotten. In fact, with the desire to make up for her inadequacies, Maggie mangaed to make Juneathon Days 28 and 29 the most significant of them all; not only will the following story adequately explain her absence from the Juneathon community for the past couple of days, but it will also reveal to you her most exciting discovery of a brand new, and exceedingly unique form of exercise, undertaken by no other Juneathoners in the entirety of the challenge.

It all began on the morning of June 28th. Arriving at work for the day, Maggie began her usual routine of planning, marking and catching up on unread emails. However, after about 20 minutes of working, she realised that, not only was she a little bit peckish and in need of her morning porridge but, she also rather desperately needed a wee.  Leaving her little cabin in the yard, she chose an alternative route to usual through the school and up to the staff room, knowing that there was a disabled toilet slightly closer by that she would be able to 'nip into'. Now, although she knew of this toilet on the far side of school, Maggie had never actually used it before; however, a toilet's a toilet's a toilet, right?

Wrong.

This toilet wasn't just any toilet. This toilet was a magical, time travelling toilet, and when Maggie re-opened the door post wee, she was met with a sight that defied belief: Gone were the drab green walls; gone were the cramped claustrophobic corridors; gone were rows of classroom doors. In their place stood a wide open space, banked with windows above, around and beyond as far as the eye could see. Students, gradually beginning to fill the space, calmly passed each other via the various tiered, floating travellators which seemed to disappear into nothing, the students 'vanishing' before her eyes. Maggie rubbed her eyes. Clearly she'd fallen asleep in the toilet and was now having some strange science-fiction dream. She pinched herself. She rubbed her eyes again. She tried all the clichés. But the scene before her eyes remained.

Despite the bizarre nature of what lay before her, Maggie's natural curiosity soon took over so, leaving the 'safety' of the toilet she tentatively stepped onto a travellator and allowed it to glide her through the 'building'. Never had she seen such fascinating sights; A building encompassing floor to ceiling bright, open learning spaces; in every room happy, engaged smiling faces; all around her smart, stimulating technology not yet created.

And so, my dear friends, Maggie spent the rest of the day taking in the wonders of this new world until, at last, as the novelty began to wear off and the water she'd drank began to wear through, she was reminded of the tiny toilet by which she'd been transported to this amazing place and she began to make her way back. However, no sooner had she stepped onto the first travellator, than she was confronted with the most electrifying and energising discovery of them all. Immediately, thinking of her Juneathon commitment and the promise she had made herself to be more motivated for the final few days, Maggie was galvanised into action and within minutes she'd picked up the rules and was looking like a pro; 30 exhilarating minutes later, she was back at the toilet and back in her own time.

The next day, with the astonishing experience still fresh in her mind, Maggie, understandably, was unable to focus. Try as she might, she just couldn't keep concentration; her mind wandering back to the world she'd experienced. At the end of the day, as she was leaving school, she 'unexpectedly' found herself back outside the tiny toilet and, before she was even aware of it herself, she was back inside: back to the future.

My dear friends, I'm sure you would love to hear about that intoxicating second day; I'm sure you'd read on open mouthed in amazement at the wondrous events that occurred; and I'm certain you'd be intrigued to hear why she'll never be able to return again. However those are stories for another time. For now, I return to my initial request and, indeed, reason for writing: that you are able to find it in your hearts to please excuse Maggie from her poor performance in Junethon over much of the 30 days; for she really did redeem herself in the final few days of the challenge, when she perfected and became: a professional Hoverboarder.



With best wishes to you all,

Optimistimaggie. x

Juneathon Days 28 and 29:
Activity: Hoverboarding
Distance: 100's of miles that don't exist yet
Time: days and days of time that hasn't occurred yet!
Feeling: Futuristic

Juneathon Day 30:
Activity: 3 mile walk to work and 3 mile run home again
Distance: 6 miles
Time: 1hr 15 minutes
Feeling: Finished!

Monday, 27 June 2011

Juneathon Day 27: 1-2-345

1 - 2 - 3,4,5
I no longer am alive

6 - 7 - 8, 9, 10
'Cos I ran up hills again and again

Why - did - I decide to go?
'Cos now I ache in places so!

Which - bit- hurts the most tonight?
This little bum cheek on my right!


Sunday, 26 June 2011

Juneathon Days 25 + 26: Each Jog, Walk, Run...



Each Jog Walk Run(*)
I spy Juneathon
Juneathon's become a habbit
I spy Bad Wabbit
Bad Wabbit in the cellar
I spy Fairweather
Fairweather's on the move
I spy Marts2smooth
Mart2smooth out swimming
I spy Oldbagrunning
Oldbagrunning at a show
I spy Fortnightflo
Fortnightflo on the bus(**)
I spy Abradypus
Abradypus in a van
I spy the Runningman
Runningman o'er the bog
I spy jogalog
Jogalog on the go
I spy Shaz and Jo
Shaz and Jo in the buff (***)
They spy Fattipuff
Fattipuff writing her blog
I spy Jogblog
Jogblog in the sun
I spy everyone!



* Some might say a 'low-brow' pastiche; I prefer to use the words 'nostalgia' and 'popular culture'
** please apply Northern Accent 
*** I know, I know... and I do apologise, but you try finding something that rhymes with 'puff'!


Saturday:
Activity: Walking in heels back and forth under a racecourse to place and retrieve bets at Chester Races
Distance: I'm sure it was a very long way... did I mention it was in heels?!
Time: 4 hours in all - a long time in heels!
Feeling: Brilliant! It was Charlotte's 30th birthday celebrations and we had a great day!
Lessons learned: 1 - don't wear heels to the races!


Sunday:
Activity: A walk around Hollingworth Lake with Paula and Doris
Distance: 2 miles
Time: 1hr 30 mins (including frolicking in the lake - Doris that is! - and eating icecream - us that is!)
Feeling: much better for it, although very sunburnt with silly strapmarks
Lessons learned: 0 - I'd like to say 1 - wear suntan lotion - but I make this mistake every year so I don't think I can honestly claim that one!

Friday, 24 June 2011

Juneathon Day 24: Car Dancing

Hands up... who's tried car dancing?

No? Well you should try it... it's great fun!

And... yes! I can see your hand up over there in Essex... excellent! As a convert to the great art already, you'll be more than versed in its positive properties and calorie burning potential. Plus the many and varied opportunities it offers, on a drive home, to be caught enthusiastically embraced 'in the act' several times by the occupants of the cars in front, either side and, believe it of not, even behind you!

Wayne and Garth knew how to pull off a 'cool Car Dance'!

Activity: 'Car Dancing' to Take That on the drive from Not-so-Little Bro's house back to mine.
Distance: As the car is actually moving, I will count it as approximately 4 miles of Car Dancing
Time: 30 minutes (including some stationary traffic car dancing, offering multiple opportunities for Car Dancing Voyeurists.
Feeling: Not in the slightest bit embarrassed!

Thursday, 23 June 2011

Juneathon Day 23: She's Back!

Waking up this morning, I knew. Before I even looked, I knew. Things felt different this morning. Even so, I still lifted my pillow a little tentatively to look beneath; my stomach  fluttering with butterflies as I braced myself for disappointment…

But there she was! I needn't have worried; She had returned to me. Optimistimaggie was back!



Optimistimaggie was under my pillow all along!

Clasping her tightly to me, I bounced out of bed and began preparing myself for the long day ahead. Unlike yesterday, with Optimistimaggie back on my shoulder, I was positively looking forward to it, and so, as I brushed my hair and applied my make-up, we chatted happily together; so much so Pessimistimaggie couldn’t get a word in edgeways – which is probably a good job, or we never would have had the opportunity to conjure our clever plan:

‘The problem is Optimistimaggie that Pessimistimaggie really doesn’t like exercise and she always talks me out of it when you’re not around. I’m not blaming you, but I really wish there was at least some chance I could fit exercise into my day today; but I’ve Parents’ Evening tonight, so I can’t even go to running club.’ Dejectedly, I looked away from her positive, smiling face, catching a wry smirk plastered across Pessimistimaggie’s as I did so.
‘Well, why not just work it into part of your day?’ Suggested Optimistimaggie, ‘There’s no reason why you can’t run to and from work, for example.
‘You’ll get too sweaty’ chipped in Pessimistimaggie.
Unfortunately she was right.
‘Okay, well what about riding your bike to work?’ returned Optimistimaggie.
‘It’ll take too long to set it up, you should have got it out the cupboard last night if you wanted to do that.’ Retorted Pessimistimaggie.
Once again, she was right.
‘Okay.’ Began Optimistimaggie, refusing to give up, ‘Why don’t you just walk to work then? You’ve plenty of time, it’s only 6.30am, you’ll easily be there in 45 minutes!’
‘ummmm, well, yeah… I guess…’
‘No, you can’t. It won’t work it…’ began Pessimistimaggie.
‘Yes! That’s a great idea.’ I interrupted, refusing to allow Pessimisitimaggie to have her way again.

So, today, I walked to work.

And what a lovely walk it was. I can understand why people like to get out and exercise in the morning, there's something about walking alone and just letting the world fade into the background for a while. Unlike driving a car, it didn't feel like a commute and before I knew it I had arrived at school feeling completely refreshed and ready for the day.

In fact, the positive feelings I gained from my walk to work stayed with me all day... whilst I wrote reports, whilst I waited for year 9 to 'settle', whilst I wrote more reports, whilst I 'dealt' with year 8... right up to the 40th, and final, parent interview of the night. At which point, I pulled on my running gear and jogged the 3 miles back home again. Perfect.

Activity: walk to work; run home again.
Distance: 6 miles total
Time: 1.10 mins
Feeling: Positive!
 "I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you - we are in charge of our Attitudes." - Charles Swindoll




Wednesday, 22 June 2011

Juneathon Day 22: Bovvered?


Activity: What activity? I can hardly count walking the dog again can I? It's just pathetic!
Distance: practically zero... hardly did anything... should have gone of a run. Didn't. 
Time: No idea
Feeling: All alone with pessimistimaggie.

Tuesday, 21 June 2011

Juneathon Day 21: I'm not obsessed, but...

'I think I saw someone famous in town at the weekend' I announced to my year 9 class who were diligently attempting to get quietly on with the essays I had set them.
'Oooh, who?' one mildly curious student questioned, only just able to tear herself away from the pages and pages of work, already completed, in front of her.
'Well, that's it, I'm not sure exactly who he was but he was definitely famous because...' And I recounted my story to the eager ears of my students.

Not that I'm obsessed or anything, and it very definitely hadn't been playing on my mind - no, of course not! - but as the thought had passed through my mind, fleetingly, I thought I might as well ask, you know, just in case. Providing the students with a full re-enactment of my stalking of encounter with the possibly famous man in Paperchase, I also provided a full description  him with as much dedicated detail as I had given my own friends: Tall, dark hair, wearing sunglasses in doors and those big massive silly headphone thingys that everyone seems to be wearing these days. My main thought behind this was that my friends are now as old as me - some of them older even - and perhaps this was a possibly famous person who appears on popular teen shows such as Hollyoaks; and although I religiously watch the omnibus every weekend don't watch this programme at all because it is aimed at a demographic half my age, I may have seen him on another more cultural show such as Loose Women The One Show or equivalent.  Unfortunately the response was hardly useful:

'What do you mean that's not a very good description of him?' was my response to their outburst, which might I add was rather inappropriately accompanied with laughter! 'It's a great description!'
'I hope you never have to report a crime Miss' sniggered one, 'they'd never be able to draw one of those photo thingy's'
Puh! what does he know, the child doesn't even know what a photo-fit is called!
Unfortunately, however this conversation was acquiring a severe atmosphere of deja-vu about it!
'Where were you?' another eager student questioned.
'In Paperchase'
'Oooh, I LOVE Paperchase'
'It does have fantastic stationery in it, doesn't it!' I agreed, 'That was when I realised I recognised him - when I was over in the magnificent stationery!'
'Was he in Coronation Street?' A new voice piped up.
This time, I was prepared: 'No, I've Googled the Coronation Street characters and he isn't one of those; I've also Googled Emmerdale, and I watch Eastenders all the time, umm, well occasionally anyway... you know when I'm not reading War and Peace and similarly cultural canonic literature... so I know he's not in that one'.
'Is he in Hollyoaks?'
'I wouldn't think so, I don't watch Hollyoaks lie lie lie so I couldn't be sure, but I don't think he was good looking enough! Also, when I saw Darren from Hollyoaks in a restaurant a couple of months ago, I recognised him straight away!'
'Miss? How do you know who Darren is if you don't watch it?' Oooops....
'Ummmm... so, any ideas then?'
'No, Would you like me to Google it for you?'

You see, even the next generation rely on Google for all the answers (particularly when their teacher doesn't have them!)... they are going to be SO disappointed when they discover the real truth of the matter!

Unfortunately, all this means is that I am still no nearer to knowing the truth about who the possibly famous man was; and unfortunately the image of him is rapidly disappearing, by the minute, in my ageing brain to the point where I fear that even if I did see him again, I would have forgotten that it was him I had seen in the first place. If you know what I mean!

And just to make things clear, I'm not obsessed about it... I'm not! really... I'm not!

Activity: A walk around the park, a chat with a very young lady who thought Doris looked like a 'fluffy cloud' and a sprint after my dog to prevent her from being
A: never seen again or
B: eaten,
when a local Chav Dog chased after her.

Distance: about 1/2 a mile - total estimate, and although this doesn't seem like much, it did include a little interval training if you include the Chav Dog racing.
Time: 15 minutes - cut short you see, by the Chav Dog.

Feeling: Like my coach decided to do some new-fangled, fancy London running yesterday which has left me incapable of moving!