Wednesday, 15 August 2012

Labels

I'm lying on the beach, In Ibiza - not the clubby bit, the other bit; the non-clubby bit ...there's an 18-30's only rule in the other bit and I think you might evaporate or burst or turn into a pumpkin if you're tempted to dip your little toe into the place past 31 years old... We're taking in the sights and sounds of the 'real' Espania.



I've recently become distracted by two groups of people in front of me. I've labelled them: Posh English Girls and Chavvy Spanish Family. But this has disturbed me. Why have I labelled them in this way? Have I become a labeller? When did I become so judgmental about people to a point where I give them perky little labels... Full on titled names? I think that this is something I've always tried to avoid, labelling people, it's something I often tell Mik off for. In fact, I can see his smug grin now when he realises that I too, have become a labeller. I decide not to tell him. But, as I lay here, with the sea lapping at my feet and the sounds of sweet childish laughter lilting on the air, I become more preoccupied as to why I have labeled each group in the way I have. I try to look for the obvious distinctive features. Ponder whether everyone on the beach, no matter their nationality, would perceive them in this way. Or whether it's just me.

Posh English Girls are sweet. There are five of them in the group. Three are left here at the moment as the two Chanel glasses-wearing ones have apologised for being boring before leaving to enjoy their balcony away from the 'awful sand'. They've just been given a couple of inflatables by some Dutch holiday makers who are going home - they didn't say they were Dutch, that's just an accurate guess, but they did say they were going home - they are now planning on how to surprise the other two girls in their group with the inflatables (Posh English Girls not the Dutch) which seems to involve the inflatable turning up on the balcony doorstep all of its own accord, whilst they hide, in fits of hysterical hilarity around the corner. Perhaps this is how I know they're posh; in my world, inflatables do not posses the capacity to do this. Listening in to their conversation, it is relaxed, soft, quiet. They discuss what 'Daddy' does for a living in between their reading of 'Fifty Shades...' and 'Grazia' magazine.

Beyond them, in the sea, Chavvy Spanish Family are loud and brash. Not speaking much Spanish past the essentials of 'hola', 'gracias' and 'mi casa est blanca', I'm unable to ascertain if they are shouting to each other a critique of the protagonist in 'Fifty Shades' or, if they are musing over their fathers' successes in life. I assume they are. They are certainly enjoying life. Splashing about - a lot - dunking each other, demonstrating the sort of overt affection that I, as a typically reserved English lady, find a little too excessive for the public arena. Their zealous and exuberant behaviour calls to mind that poster from back in the 80's... You know, the one that used to don the walls of every public swimming pool: 'no bombing, no diving, no heavy petting'.
'They'd be thrown out of an English swimming pool if this was the 80's' I think to myself as I glance at the beach lifeguard... He's watching them closely.



I look from them, to the Posh English Girls quietly quaffing their Evian, and back again... No, I just can't pinpoint what is is about them that has caused me to label them in such a way. Perhaps it's just intuition. Perhaps it's just me. Internally, I chastise myself. Who am I to pass judgement on these groups of strangers? To label them like some prejudiced, judgmental labeller? Suddenly I feel ashamed. The Posh English Girls are just quiet, lovely girls with well-pronounced words and dads they're proud of; and the Chavvy Spanish Family are just fun-loving, ostentatious, beach-goers, enjoying themselves in a loud and overly boisterous manner.

As I look back from them fooling about in the sea, I vow to myself to never again enter into such flippant, flimsy labelling and, most definitely, never mention my foray into this sordid world to Mik, who would surely mock me for these foolish ways.
I catch Mik's eye. He raises his eyebrows at me and smirks.

Friday, 3 August 2012

Julie!

Past experiences have taught me that alcohol is not the best fuel for exercise; it does not make for a pleasant work-out experience the following day. Needless to say, having consumed a fair amount of birthday alcohol yesterday, I was not looking forward to my Curves session today; so imagine my surprise when I superseded all previous workouts, smashed my target and burnt 430 calories! Gold medal for Maggie!

Having achieved my planned early(ish) morning work out I spent the rest of the day with my lovely friend, Anj, and her even lovelier 2 1/2 year old son whirlwind of energy, Zain. We lunched at Wetherspoons (where they now do a very tasty and super-healthy 'Superfood salad), we played in the park (Zain testing my newly developed arm muscles with persistent swing pushing), and... we changed my name. Why? Because it was easier...

"Hello Julie!" Zain beamed as I entered his house;
"Maggie... this is Maggie". His mum gently corrected.
"Julie push me." Zain insisted as he sat poised on the swing;
"Maggie." His mum and I gently corrected.
"Thank you Julie" Zain politely thanked me on receiving his ice cream;
"Maggie." His mum and I gently corrected.
"There's Julie's car" Zain excitedly exclaimed as we left the park;
"Maggie." His mum and I chuckled, in gentle correction.
"Bye, bye Julie." Zain smiled as he waved me off;
"Bye, bye Zain" I smiled back.

2 1/2 year olds are particularly stubborn... it's easier to change my name!

Thursday, 2 August 2012

Tipsy turvey!

Well... tomorrow is gonna hurt... that's for sure!

Right now, admittedly, I'm a little tipsy. I have spent a fantastic night out with a great group of girls, where I spent the entire night eating pizza and drinking wine... actually that's not strictly true, I also treated myself to an Eaton Mess! Mmmmm...

Anyway, in my new leaf promise (that I made only yesterday), I am due at Curves tomorrow morning where I will inevitably die!

So, this is goodbye. Farewell friends. It's been good and we've had a (relatively) long life together. I never thought the turn of my 34th year would also signal my penultimate day in this world but at least it's been a good one! Tomorrow, I will endeavour to fulfil the fitness promise I have made myself and, let's face it, it's not gonna be pretty. If - and that's very unlikely - I live through this experience, I'll see you on the other side; if not, it's been fun...

Au revoir world...

Maggie.

PS... on the plus side: I painted my kitchen this morning and it looks muchos nice! :-)

Ooooh... pretty!!!

Wednesday, 1 August 2012

Back in the game

Sshhhhhh...

We all have to stay as quiet as possible, so I'd appreciate it if you'd read this in a whispered voice; which is due to this little man:


Who is in my care tonight... I know... poor him!... whilst his parents have some well-earned quality time together. Of course, this leaves me with very little to do, so what better time could there be to catch up with all of you whilst my nephew is snoring away (and he really is snoring quite loudly!)?

Needless to say, however, that 'catching up' could take quite a long time as it's been several months since I have posted on this blog. So, to avoid a mass-exodus of readers at this moment in time (all 3 of you are very important to me), I shall now provide a brief, yet comprehensive, account of my past 3 months:

June: 
- moved house - family visited from USA - family caught virus and threw up all over new house - unpacked into new house - ran SOTOS 10k, in Fleetwood, after a whole day out drinking alcohol and nearly died - recovered (almost) - Went to Stone Roses concert (in the park opposite my house...woop!).

July:
- end of school term - ate - drank - ate - drank - got fat - joined Curves gym - started diet - started running on my own so I didn't die when I returned to running club having not been for a ridiculous amount of time! - ran - Curves - ran - Curves - ran to Curves - still too scared to go back to running club - watched the Olympics - went to lovely friends' wedding - got less fat (woop!).

August:
- watched more Olympics - Curves - painted kitchen - babysitting nephew (in present tense because it's actually happening now!).

Ta daaaa! ... Ooooh, a bit loud... sorry... whispering again...

And now that you're up to date, let's move on to more important things... what happens next. Well I intend to start blogging more again. Let's face it, I've been pretty poor recently and I still owe the lovely people at UnderArmour a proper review of their T-shirt they sent me... watch this space! In conversation with a friend last week, I realised the close connection that exists between lack of blog posts and lack of exercise:

Friend:  I seem to have missed your blog posts recently, are you still posting on facebook when you write one?
Me: Oh, that's because I haven't written any blog posts recently... actually, for quite a while if I'm honest... Oh my word, for like, a quarter of a year or something mad like that...
Brain: Yes, you Orca, that's why you got fat and unfit... you can't blog if you haven't done anything to blog about! Oops!

Well, today is new leaf day. Tightening the belt and intensifying the exercise a few weeks back has meant that I am already successfully on my way to being able to actually tighten my belt! And who can fail to be inspired at the moment with all the excitement and hype of the Olympics?! But it's not just the 'elite' athletes who are inspiring me to get out there are run; if you haven't read about Team Fools Rushing's amazing achievement at TR24 last weekend, then hop over to Fortnightflo's blog to read her account... absolutely crazy fab!

Anyway... best go... the little man is waking... who shouted??!!!

Catch up again tomorrow, when my (birth)day begins with a run in the park with a couple of friends who have just taken up running. :-)

Monday, 18 June 2012

Whatever happened to Juneathon?

Juneathon: you might think I have given up.

You'd be right.

I have.

In fact, last week I achieved a new height of Juneathon uselessness (for me); taking my sum effort from 'shoddy' excuses and 'invented' exercise to 'completely and utterly non-existent': No running, no exercising, no blogging.

I have never reached such lows.

Actually, that's not strictly true: there was the Janathon 'effort' that mainly involved exercise of the 'imaginative' kind; there was also a huge portion of time last summer when I didn't even bother to invent exercise, choosing instead to eat chocolate and 'exercise' my waist line in a different manner; and then of course one shouldn't forget the episode (or maybe one should...) where I ran a half marathon then threw up all over the steering wheel of my car whilst driving along the motorway at 50mph... That was pretty low!

Thankfully, although my Juneathon 'attempt' is most definitely over, there are some lights at the end of the tunnel... Some 'optimism', so to speak... Perhaps some 'redemption', one might say:

1. I have been running - Unfortunately, not with club, but running all the same... The knackered, sleeping dog at my feet is proof of this!

2. I have a Curves appointment booked for tomorrow evening as part of my 'do more than run to get fitter and tone-up' summer strategy.

3. This blog post has more inverted commas than any other blog post I've ever written... I wonder how many I would need to win a 'most used inverted commas in a blog post ever' award...

4. I have used the phrases 'one shouldn't forget' and 'one might say' which is excellent use of Standard English and consequently should redeem my use of the words 'ergo' and 'twat' in a previous (and possibly best forgotten) post.

5. Today I managed to wear my 'Under Armour' t-shirt - sent to me for review by the lovely people at Under Armour and designed to protect my delicate body from the harmful rays of the deadly Manchester sun - in actual real-life, warm, deadly sun! Wow! Which also means I can now write a proper review! Yay!

6. Finally, I have been enjoying reading lots of Juneathon blogs, even if I haven't had time to write them... Oh yes... I have been a silent, yet active, participant. And have been equally pleased to see that I'm not the only one who is 'inventive' with qualifying exercise!

Good luck to all those still in it... As for me, my next challenge is the Sotos 10k, in Fleetwood, this Sunday. And, as I would rather avoid adding another 'low' to my list, I have my fingers crossed for cooler weather than last year's 30 degree death run!

Saturday, 9 June 2012

Juneathon Day 9

It's Juneathon Day 9 and the tide has turned. Oh yes. No excuses. No fake exercise. No hyperbole...

Today, I ran.

I round the outside of the inside of Heaton Park (if that makes any sense!). And when I say 'I', I actually mean 'we' - and not in the royal sense - as in me and my old (original) running buddy, Paula (not Radcliffe). It probably isn't, but it feels like years since we ran together, it's certainly been a good few weeks since we last caught up, so for the entirety of the run, the running was accompanied by chatting... No change there then!

I have to admit, I've no idea how far we ran but I'm going to guess at about 3 miles. The dog came too so we've a very peaceful night on our hands as she's zonked out on the sofa; something tells me it won't be long before I'm joining her... But first, some chinese takeaway and maybe a small(ish) glass of wine...

Friday, 8 June 2012

Juneathon days 5-8

Ok... So I'm clearly NOT doing Juneathon properly. I should make it clear, before we continue with this charade, that I am not (THAT) stupid and realise that the point of Juneathon is to run, or exercise, everyday of June. It is day 8 of June, and I have not done this; ergo* I have not done Juneathon.

Despite this, I am now going to continue this post with a few completely acceptable (poor) excuses and pretend that the exercise I have done is a more than valid contribution to Juneathon.

Juneathon Day 5: a very British - wet and windy - walk along the sea front, with the family, at Lytham St Anne's... Plus a cheeky cuppa and a cake on the exceptionally windy pier whilst we watched people perambulate beneath with the sand seeping freely between their toes, despite the freezing conditions!

Juneathon Day 6: Another (unfortunate) trip to Ikea... Yes, I'm still counting Ikea as exercise! If you've ever been on a bank holiday, you'll understand!
PLUS I supervised some building of furniture!

Juneathon Day 7: Does a walk around The Lowry art gallery count? How about a trip to Argos? A walk across town? Ok... One of them must count! This post has now become interactive.. Make your pick... Now!

Juneathon Day 8: The dog came home from holiday! Yay! Actually, that makes it sound rather like she turned up on the front step with her suitcase having jumped out a taxi... It didn't quite happen like that... Obviously! I did actually go to pick her up. But, wait for it... Once we'd returned home, we went for a walk! Woop! Proper (almost) exercise! Also - mega bonus - whilst I was picking the dog up, my mother -in-law taught me to knit!

I made this (*scroll to bottom of page to see photo as blogging on stupid iphone app!*) it's either a baby's thong (yes, that is a little bit wrong!) or a dog's eye patch... Make your pick... Now!


* However, I have seemingly made myself sound like a complete twat** in my blog by using the word 'ergo'.

** I've now also used the word 'twat' (twice)... This is a new low point between me and my blog!